Mummy, Papa, Where Do Babies Come From?

I was born in a house with the television always on, as the Talking Heads song Love For Sale claims. So most of what I learnt about life, I learnt it from the television. And this is why, most of my preteen years were spent in confusion. Papa, where do babies come from? an innocent child asks its parent. It's confusing when you use the same word (sex) for the act itself and also for gender. I remember this one time that I was reading about Razia Sultana and some historian talking about how she was a great warrior but was unfortunately of the wrong sex, and was confused.... hmm, wasn't sex supposed to be something else? (of course, at that time I didn't really know what it was supposed to be, and maybe don't really know yet, heh heh) So in all my innocence, I turn around from the book to my mom, who at that point was arguing with the newspaper guy about the bill for that month, and go, ``Amma, sex matlab kya hai?''... and my mom of course turns around and says ``Yehich time mila na tereko poochne ke liye!?''

Hmm.. well I needed answers, and based on what I saw in the movies, and based on my scientific temperament, this is the theory I came up with:

1) Observations show that people in movies have kids only after marriage mostly. This means that the actual act of marriage somehow triggers childbirth. One way I guessed this could happen was that the tying of a mangalsutra around the woman's neck would send some sort of biological signal to the body to start giving birth to kids, one after the other, so that one could have twins that get lost in a mela, or produce three children that are separated from their parents and each other in a train accident and are raised by three different families of three different religions.

2) Sometimes, in the movies, women had babies without getting married. This sort of goes against explanation (1) for childbirth, and my explanation for this phenomenon involved the ``winter break'' films of the sixties and early seventies, right until the Unemployment Movie era came along. This is what happens. The hero and heroine are in Kashmir, usually because the heroine is on a ``picnic'' with her friends, and the hero just follows her to Kashmir so that he can flirt with her and sing the most famous song of that movie (be it Chahe Koi Mujhe Junglee Kahe, Yaaaaaahoooo! or Tera Mujhse Hai Pehle Ka Nata Koi).
Eventually, though, the heroine gets trapped in the snow in an avalanche or something, and ends up with hypothermia. The hero rescues her and they reach an abandoned cottage in the snow, and the hero realizes that she will die within hours if he doesn't give her ``bodily warmth'' (badan ki garmi), so he gets into bed with her after stripping them both, wrapping a blanket around them.
Next scene: It's the morning after, and the heroine (usually someone like Rakhee, as irritating as she is), naked except for a blanket around her, clutching it close to herself, crying into her hands, and from time to time saying naheeeinn, uh huh uh huh! or some shit like that, while the hero says stuff like ``main majboor tha, agar tumhein badan ki garmi nahin milti to tum mar jaati'' (I couldn't help it, if I hadn't given you bodily warmth, you woulda died by now)...

So, I concluded that kids are born whenever people out of wedlock end up freezing their butts off and need bodily warmth.....