So, let's say for the sake of argument that you have to build your own android (not the OS, but any humaniform robot), how would you go about such a seemingly mammoth undertaking? Well, this is how the costume designers and ``tech'' (sic) people associated with Space City Sigma (a cheesy 80s TV show on Doordarshan, many of whose episodes were ripoffs of old Star Trek episodes) went about it:
Recipe: Android
Name: Shakti
Materials required:
Human (whole, no inner or outer body parts need to be removed) - 1.
``Futuristic'' costume (viz., coloured clothes possibly resembling Indian Army uniform -- in Spandex?) - 1 set.
Oblong sticky plastic thingie - 1, about as big as human's ear.
Pencil - One (HB).
Paint - At least one shade, preferable three (primary colours preferred), small quantities of each.
Brush - At least one.
Makeup - small to large amounts, depending on episode.
Method:
Use the pencil to trace the semblance of wiring and circuitry onto the the oblong sticky plastic thingie. Paint over some of the lines using the brush and any combination of the paints. Stick sticky side of oblong sticky plastic thingie onto human's cheek, just below the right eye. Make sure thingie fits well and gives semblace of actual circuitry seen inside human's skin (I guess this rule is not so hard and fast, otherwise these people would have followed it).
After the sticky thingie seems to have dried, add some makeup on the human face. Serve lukewarm, garnished with synthesizer music.
One thing necessary for this recipe to work is that the human in question show some signs of having a half-robot body, which may or may not include what is thought of as robot behaviour - rigid body movements, an emotionless face and voice and some serious deadpan dialogue delivery. But the big shots at Doordarshan had the perfect men for the job (Shakti Singh, playing Shakti the android), and they picked the best. In fact they didn't have to work much on him to make him convincing. He already had a deadpan (what Subroto would call plywood, hence Kitply, but that is a Trademark name reserved for Girish Karnad's acting. What is the secret of V.I.Ply? The secret is Bond. Phenol Bond.) dialogue delivery, and underplayed the role majorly. His body movements were naturally rigid and unhuman, resulting in an excellent portrayal of a rudimentary android. What was the problem with Space City Sigma then, you ask? All the actors and actresses in the show shared his acting ``talents''. Speaking in robotic voices, they underplayed and sometimes included violent bursts of ham acting, the captain (Captain Tara, played by Krishnakant Sinha) had a plywood face and dialogue delivery that would force even sharks to sleep, their alien nemesis Zakhaku (engineered by the technicians by coating some human's face with a lot of shit) was more good looking than some of the men and women in the show (including the aforementioned ship captain). All this made for some very entertaining and hilarious viewing.
That concludes our cooking class for today. Before we say goodbye and go for a commercial break, LET US NOT FORGET ANOTHER MAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN YINSAAN (who starred in many Delhi-produced TV shows and some TV movies, and now can be found floating somewhere in the backwaters of satellite TV soaps, denied his shot at the throne of Arbitdom) who was on this show: he went by the name of Earth Command, and he is the GREAT Lalit Parimoo (credited as "Lalit Parimu" on the show). You might have seen him in Himalay Darshan, another 80s TV show, and we will soon refer to one of the episodes of this show when we talk about taking care of your livestock in the 21st century. Right now, let's take a break from Hindi stuff (don't want people to complain that I *only played Hindi and English music on the excursion*, you know what I mean? Or DO you?), and visit the South. Our next lesson is about bridging the gap between the North and the South.
Update, 12/09/2011: Found this link. Thank you very much for the screenshots! For one thing, Shakti doesn't look as terrible as he did in my imagination! ZakhaKoo still looks like a piece of shit, though.
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